No Matter What, God Is Still Good

Wow.. I can’t believe it’s been TWO YEARS since my last blog entry — sooo much has happened since then!!

Ziek is now 3 years old. He’s walking — no, RUNNING — like an old pro. He has pretty much caught up with most of his delayed milestones, and is even TALKING now. He has grown so much, has been cleared by nearly all of his specialists (with one more big mountain left to climb) and is totally thriving. God is literally so good.

We have officially put our roots down in Florida now! Since the last time I posted on here, we’ve purchased/had our home built and have been living in it for over 7 months already!

Let’s see.. I also found a job at a local hospital as well. I started out as the charge nurse of their orthopedic/spine unit, but transferred out of that nightmare to the PACU (post-anesthesia care unit) just a year ago. I absolutely love it and love my team there! I’m so grateful that God opened up that opportunity for me because it has been SUCH A BLESSING to our finances, the advancement of my skills and nursing career, my work-life balance, and my sanity!!

But what I really wanted to share on my blog today is God’s glory pertaining to a specific “thing” that has happened recently. There’s really nothing like a scary diagnosis to put you in a different perspective and remind you how precious this God-given life is.

Back in December of 2022, I had an abnormal finding from my annual OB/GYN checkup. This led to an in-office colposcopy and biopsy in just a couple months ago, in which the results from that wasn’t great either. I was diagnosed with carcinoma in situ cervix, which in layman’s terms is high risk pre-cancer of the cervix. Two treatment options were presented to me:

  • A less invasive LEEP procedure could be done in the office to remove the precancerous tissue and there would be minimal risks/residual effects. This would have been the best option for most cases.
  • But with the location of my abnormal tissue, being so deep in my cervix, the less invasive LEEP procedure wouldn’t guarantee that all of the tissue could be removed. So this left me with the option of surgical removal of the precancerous tissue under anesthesia. This surgery would shorten my cervix and significantly decrease my chances of keeping any pregnancies to term. With my already high risk pregnancy history, this meant that any future pregnancies would most likely end in miscarriages.

The day that my doctor called to tell me my biopsy results and treatment options hit me so hard. I was at work when I took the call, and totally did not expect to hear any of that at all. I called Chad to tell him everything, and it didn’t take any time for us at all to choose the option to move forward with surgery. It was more of a priority for us to have all the precancerous tissues removed, than for us to decide that we might want more kids later on. It hurt to know that the door to having more kids was basically closing on us. We had talked about maybe trying for another after Ziek was completely done with all of his surgeries, but that possibility was taken away from us with this diagnosis of mine.

Naturally, because I am human, I had moments where I was upset about the diagnosis and having to undergo surgery, but mostly that we weren’t going to be able to have any more kids. But God blessed me with the best husband in the world, who is so solid in his trust and faith in the Lord. He kept reminding me to not view this as a “loss” or a door closing on us, but to see God’s goodness in allowing my staging to only be precancerous and nothing further. For the abnormal tissue to be detected so early, and for us to have the means and option to completely eradicate the problem. For the opportunity to be cleansed of this disease, and be provided with renewed health.

The day and night before surgery, I had so much anxiety about going under anesthesia. It was so irrational because my doctor is absolutely wonderful, and I also got to handpick my own friends to do my anesthesia and post-surgery recovery as well. I knew I would be in great hands with my own team that I work with on a daily basis, yet I was still anxious about being completely asleep/paralyzed and no longer in control. This whole situation was out of my control, and the devil knew this would be perfect to pick at to ramp up my anxiety. But again, the Lord’s plans are always perfect and He always uses people and His own words to remind me that He is faithful, merciful, sovereign, and that HE is in control of all things. I was reminded of that before I went to bed, and it brought me so much peace. The devil tried to give me more anxiety and fear in my dreams that night, but I still woke up with peace in the morning because I know who my God is. My rock, my keeper, my protector.

Yesterday was my surgery day, and let me tell you.. It was the best experience I could ever ask for. I felt all of the love pour in from my friends and coworkers from preop, anesthesia, recovery, and even other doctors that happened to be there for other surgeries. Ziek and Chad were able to stay with me in preop the whole time, which I’m so grateful for because my surgery time was a little delayed so we were there for quite awhile. Chad was sweet and kept checking in with me to make sure I was okay, and we prayed together a few times. I felt good. I didn’t have any doubts, concerns, or fears. God let me have a little bit of control (thank You, Lord) and I was able to tell anesthesia what meds I did and did not want — because I’m terrified of being nauseous, haha.

They gave me some good meds as I was rolling out of preop, and let me tell y’all — I don’t even remember anything beyond that. Apparently I was chattin’ it up with everyone as they rolled me into the OR and told them Chad was real good to look at LOL but I honestly don’t remember any of that. And next thing I knew, I was waking up in PACU to my recovery nurse/friend Brandi’s beautiful face. I felt so peaceful and great. Surgery was over; it all went super well. I had no pain or discomfort, no nausea whatsoever (score!), and I didn’t feel groggy at all. I was ready to get up, get dressed, and go home!

God carried me through the whole entire process, just as He had carried me through all of the other traumatic events we had gone through in the last few years. Next thing to do now that surgery is done, is to let my body rest, and wait for the biopsy results to come back from the tissue she took. I have faith in the Lord and I trust that whatever the results are, it is His Will. And however my cervix heals and whether or not we will be able to have any more kids in the future, I know that also is God’s will. I’m sure the devil will try to steal my moments of peace here and there, but I’ll just have to keep God’s word closer to my heart and remember His goodness, His faithfulness, His love and mercy, and His protection over me — no matter what.

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