Be Free, Little Noah

We woke up this morning to the heaviest rainstorm I’ve seen/heard in a long time. The whole house was dark, our backyard was a blur, and I could hear the flood of raindrops pounding on our roof.

It was the Heavens and all the angels crying for us and mourning with us. Because today…. we had to say our goodbyes and prayers over Noah’s body before sending him off to the crematory. 💔

I was a wreck yesterday and this morning, anticipating the moment when I would lay eyes on my child’s physical body one last time. Although I’ve been weak the last couple of days, God made Chad strong enough for the both of us. And for that, I am so grateful.

Anyway, when we arrived at the funeral home I was just full of all sorts of emotions. But of course, the strongest one of them all was just sadness. Like the kind of sadness when you just kinda feel hollow inside. And when we walked into the room to see Noah and hold him, I just lost it all over again. We both did. But I’m glad we got to spend some time with him this morning. We talked to him, held him, kissed him, and prayed over him. It wasn’t an easy goodbye, but I wouldn’t have wished it to happen any other way. It was perfect.

We were able to bring a few mementos to have cremated with Noah’s body, so we printed out a picture of Chad and I holding him at the hospital after he was born (our first and only photo of us as a family of three) and we added some shells and sand from our wedding in Hawaii — the rainbow state. 🌈❤️

The significance of the sand is that it’s a representation of the mixing of mine and Chad’s heart and souls when we married: Once the sands are mixed, they are forever intertwined… as it would be impossible to separate the grains from one another. So by cremating our marriage sands with Noah’s remains, we now have mixed our joined hearts and souls with that of Noah’s — Permanently joined together, unable to be separated.

We know that Noah’s spirit has been up in Heaven since the day he left us last week, but now his physical body will now be laid to rest along with his soul. ❤️

GOD, I know you’re taking good care of our little boy. And we are so grateful to You for allowing me to carry our sweet child all those months, and for the both of us to be able to spend all that time with Noah. We cherished every moment that You gave us with him, and we loved him with our whole entire hearts and souls. Noah was loved by many here on Earth, and we couldn’t be more thankful or happier for that. Thank You so much, Father, for constantly surrounding our lives with so much love. I ask that you continue to bring us comfort, strength, and carry us through this difficult time. In Jesus’ name, Amen. 🙏🏼

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