10/3/18 • Day 3 • Hope…. and what it means to me
The definition of HOPE is (1) a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen (2) a feeling of trust.
In losing a child, you definitely have the expectation that it won’t happen again in the future.. but that trust in God isn’t necessarily a default feeling for most.
But for us, we have had HOPE and total faith in God since Noah was initially diagnosed with a cystic hygroma and fetal hydrops at 11 weeks. How? There’s only one answer for that… and that answer is God.
Before we knew our son was even a son.. Little Noah was already on a mission to bring Chad and I closer to God. He brought the two of us closer together and strengthened our relationship with one another AND in our walk with Christ. We literally felt an unusual amount of strength and trust during the whole pregnancy.. And even in what should have been our darkest moments following the passing of Noah — we have still managed to stay strong and see that this is all part of God’s grand plan.
And here is a big reason why..
I do wanna make a disclaimer by saying that Chad and I fell in love with the name Noah years ago, before we were even married and thinking about starting a family. We always said that our first son would be named Noah, just because we liked that name.
The story of Noah’s purpose for building the ark, all the way through the receding of the floods can be found in Genesis 6:9-9:17. This story has a significant meaning to us, and led us to believe that God had picked out this name for Noah long before we even knew it.
- In the Biblical story, Noah had to fight the great floods. My Noah battled severe hydrops — which essentially was a flood of his own in my womb.
- In the Bible, Noah was chosen by God to build the ark to save humanity. My Noah greatly influenced myself and Chad, and built our faith in God throughout our pregnancy and set it heavy on our hearts to use our story to minister to people and save souls for His Kingdom.
- In the Bible, the floods lasted for 5 months before they finally started to gradually recede, causing the ark to finally come to rest. My Noah was battling hydrops in my womb until 20 weeks on the dot — 5 months — until he finally laid to rest.
- After the floods receded, God made a promise to Noah that never again will he allow flood waters to destroy the lives and things of the earth. He placed a rainbow in the clouds as a sign of this promise to the earth……. and this is where my HOPE comes from.
There have been so many rainbows spotted since the day my Noah was born and sent to heaven. Many that I’ve seen, many that Chad has seen, and friends from all over have been continuously sending us pictures of their rainbows. We even saw a gigantic double rainbow in the sky as soon as we got to Orlando for the Habitation Conference two weeks ago!! Call me crazy, or call me hopeful…. but I truly do believe that these are all signs from God that he WILL bless us with siblings on earth for Noah. And that he will never put us through this type of devastation again.
And that, is my take and experience with hope. Thank y’all for reading and continuing to keep up with my journey. God Bless ❤️